Living on the Hedge(row)

Apparently I am a “meanie”… Oooh! 

I actually laughed at the statement because I didn’t say anything mean. Well, I’ll let you be the judge… I have posted the thread below.

I posted on my personal Facebook page Sunday that I am done:

This is what started the “you are just being mean” thread… I responded to an old classmates post on Facebook today.

First of all, while I admittedly dislike Donald Trump, I am not as upset by his words (as leaked in an 11 [or so] year old taped conversation he had with Billy Bush), as I am with the outrageous number of posts and comments by people in the general public condoning those words (and actions) and actually defending people like Donald Trump and trying to deflect the issue by pointing fingers at Bill (Hillary) Clinton (who we know is/was a philanderer) but is totally irrelevant at this point and doesn’t change the fact that Donald Trump offered a non-apology while continuing to denegrate and disparage people of all sorts – including his marginalization of women.

This is a very personal issue for me and I am done keeping silent. I will explain further in this post.

The MEME above is a form of deflection from the real issue – RAPE CULTURE IS ALIVE AND WELL IN THE US of A. 

In response to my friends post of the MEME this morning, this is what I said:

I was not alone calling Bullshit on that MEME. Apparently Nica felt similarly (as did Bruce below).

Which garnered this response – a complete deflection and misinterpretation of the MEME and the issue.

First of all, there is a HUGE difference between consentual relations and rape. This MEME is irrelevant and it is NOT funny. Secondly, what occured between Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton was consentual and again, not relevant in the current environment. Apples and oranges.

So, Kristina, this is directed at you…  Since you have insisted that I post this on my own page, and because I respect your mother, I have honored your request. Please note the areas of your post that I highlighted.

WOW – way to victim blame. And, are you not seeing what you are saying? WHY, why do we even have to think about what is dangerous and not dangerous? 

It is our culture, and it is not acceptable. Period. 

I suppose that you think Brock Turner was unfairly sentenced, I mean, after all the girl he was convicted of raping put herself in that situation… At least according to your logic. 

So here is where it got special… And I was labled as “mean”. 

I repsonded to Kristina’s post about her liking 50 Shades of Gray; She can, and that does not make her a hypocrite.

NO KRISTINA, that MEME is NOT funny, and it is not relevant. 

Not once was I hostile or did I call you names. The only person on a high horse is you.

If you think I am saying mean things because I am pointing out issues and you keep marginalizing them, then I guess I am a big ‘ol meanie then. 

And yes, the Twighlight series is a horrible example for young women. While entertaining, it is not what I would aspire my girl child to emulate. I’ll take Katness Everdene over moody mopey vampire girl any day.

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Why is this an issue for me? 

There have been a number of triggers this year, causing me to relive past experiences. Experiences that I have kept carefully tucked away. Shared with very few. Some if this may come as a surprise to my family and even my friends.

We do indeed have a culture of rape in our country. One look at a simple Tweet demonstrates just how bad it is:

Wanna know when my first assault occured? I was in elementary school. The first attack on my character? High School, because I rejected the advances of a popular high school football player. My first rape? My first year in college. Domestic Violence? Early 20’s… More assaults… So no, I didn’t have just one experience, I’ve had many. 

It wasn’t until recently that I came to understand that none of those assaults were my “fault”.  I wasn’t in the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn’t put myself in risky situations, and I certainly didn’t “ask for it”. 

People, at different times, felt emboldened to act in hurtful ways without my consent and without repurcussion. I was made to feel as though I had done something wrong. I held onto those incidents and internalized them. During one phase I actually experienced a condition called Dissociative Amnesia and still experience symptoms of PTSD.

These experiences have helped shape who I have become and my attitudes and beliefs.  

I have been triggered more in the past year than I have in quite some time. This election cycle and the resulting rhetoric and increasing verbal assaults are overwhelming.

I have witnessed more hateful and harmful behavior this year than I have in my entire life. It is sickening. 

I am undone… And I am done. 

I do not want people in my life or around me that are hateful. Enough. 

My brother shared a beautiful post and the resulting comments made me want to scream. It is so hard to believe that there are people out there who are so “deplorable”. It isn’t about having a different opinion, it is about outright hatred and bias. He kept repeating the same message and people kept twisting it around and really posted some ignorant statements. 

It just isn’t worth the energy to try to have a civil discussion when everything immediately turns to dispariging people using derogetory statements… Excuse me, your bias is showing.

You will not change my mind on this topic. Deflect all you want… It is not going to work.

The following sums up my feelings and I am no longer going to stand silent and complicit.

A letter written by, Kathryn Osburn Stapp (Former TX Republican – you can search her profile on Facebook)
September 15 at 12:35am · 

Dear Mr. Trump,

It’s taken me a while to realize this and to admit it, but I’m grateful to you.

For the past few months I’ve spent a good deal of time lamenting your campaign and the poison it has so effortlessly generated. I’ve watched our country imploding, our public discourse become polluted, our political climate grows ever more corrosive, and wrongly assumed you were to blame.

It’s only lately I’ve come to understand that you haven’t manufactured our current national ugliness—you’ve simply revealed it.

By saying the irresponsible, mean-spirited, ignorant things you say so freely and so frequently, you’ve given other like-minded people license to do the same. You’ve opened up the floodgates for our corporate sewage to flow fully. People no longer conceal their vile mess, they now revel in it, they broadcast it and retweet it.

You’ve made bigotry and racism socially acceptable again and that has been a kind of twisted gift because it’s allowed me to really see people; not as they pretend to be on the surface—but in the very depths of their wounded, weaponized hearts.

Over and over as your campaign has persisted, your supporters would tell me that they like you because you “speak your mind”. It wasn’t until recently that I’ve realized that you speak their minds. You’ve given credence to their prejudices and made those prejudices go mainstream.

Thanks to the terrible ground you’ve broken, politicians, pastors, friends, and strangers, both in person and on social media now regularly out themselves as hateful, intolerant, and malicious—and they remind me just how close they are to me, just how deep the sickness in us runs, and just how far we have to go together.

You’ve emboldened people to be open about things they used to conceal for the sake of decorum, and though it turns my stomach, I know that this is the only way we can move forward; to have that cancerous stuff exposed fully so that it can be dealt with. Our progress as a nation is predicated on authentic dialogue, no matter how brutal and disheartening that dialogue is.

In other words, you’ve let us know what we’re really dealing with here and while it’s been rightly disturbing, it’s also been revelatory. That’s the thing about that kind of harsh light: you’re forced to see everything. Beauty and monstrosity equally illuminated.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think you’re the least qualified, least knowledgeable Presidential candidate we may ever have had participate this far into the process, and if you somehow were elected I’d fear gravely for the world my children would inherit—should it survive your Presidency at all. I believe you’re reckless, bitter, and completely reprehensible; the very worst kind of bully.

But whether you win or lose, you’ve already allowed me the blessing of Truth; about me, about you, about other candidates, about our nation.

And in the process you’ve also shown me that I am not alone in resisting you and this ugly thing you’ve revealed about us.

You’ve generated an equally loud, equally passionate response to it and this is where I find my hope these days.

I find it in those for whom equality isn’t just a cheap buzzword, it’s the most precious of hills to die on.

I find it in those people who refuse to be silent in the face of our impending shared regression.

I find it in those willing to be bolder in defending the inherent value of all people.

I find it in the growing army of those who will not tolerate hatred as a core American value.

I find it in those who reject violence as our default response to dissension.

I find it in the ever rising voice of people who will not let malice and bitterness represent them in the world.

Today I find my hope in those who, like me, will not be complicit in allowing bigotry and intolerance to become a source of national pride, because we’ve seen where that leads.

Yes, Mr Trump, you’ve unearthed our hidden sickness and you’ve allowed it to go viral.

You brought every awful thing about us out into the open.

I seriously want to become a hermit so that I no longer have to listen to this crap.

~Michelle